....in which Tom answers less thoughtfully.

Jan 15, 2013

Dear E. Jean: I love my man, but after all my hints and suggestions as to what kind of engagement ring I want, he went off and got one that’s pretty—but not what I want to see on my hand for a lifetime. I want to change it. Is that acceptable? —Right Man, Wrong Ring

Don’t wear the engagement ring after the wedding - plenty of people do that. Alternatively, don’t accept the proposal. Finally, realize that you’re stressing about the details of a ceremony that’s a vestige from the time when women were considered property, and by doing so you’re tacitly approving that worldview.

Dear E. Jean: Can a Democrat and a Republican fall in love? Three weeks ago, I met a sweet, funny, good-looking, financially solvent grown-up. Until last night, we’ve been able to laugh off the fact that we perch on extreme opposite ends of the political spectrum.

We were cooking together and having a great time when he put on Fox News. A debate quickly ensued (our own), and things got heated. I ended up feeling attacked and overwhelmed. Then, out of sheer frustration, I burst into tears. He immediately felt bad and tried to comfort me. We were able to smile at it, but things just don’t feel right to me now. We haven’t slept together yet, so this is not a done deal. Can it ever work between a bleeding-heart woman and a right-wing man?—Overwhelmed and at a Loss

Dumb question, because 1. one of your requirements was financially solvent (holy shit, set the bar lower please) and 2. he watches shitty TV news when he’s cooking. Try to hold out for someone who watches no news at all, and ideally doesn’t even follow news online - you’ll never have to worry about politics again!

Dear E. Jean: I’m in my last year at Harvard, surrounded by oodles of good-looking guys, but I find my datebook empty. I know what you must be thinking: I’m some homely creature who hasn’t a clue how to pick within her league. I can assure you that I’m a considerably attractive woman who has been fawned over many times.

When flirting, I adhere to those rules—you know, the ones that instruct you to smile, maintain eye contact, and be your fabulous, witty self! It seems to me, however, that these “rules” just aren’t cutting it. I’ll have developed a great rapport with a guy, but all that smiling proves to be a waste of effort when he fails to ask for my number. What on earth am I doing wrong? —Dateless and Confused

How the hell should I know? Try touching his arm, maybe? Would that work? I mean, I can’t think of any other recourse you might have, other than fucking asking out the people you are interested in dating! Of course, if you don’t want to do that, you can continue to exist while internalizing the patriarchy, it’s up to you.